When I became a mother to my son, Skyler, I had many dreams and plans. Even at the age of 3 when he was diagnosed with autism and the landscape & process for when and how he would achieve those dreams changed, I held on tight.
With each visit to the various medical providers throughout his toddler and adolescent years, I was routinely provided a similar laundry list of the things Skyler “Can’t” and “Won’t” be able to accomplish in his lifetime because of his autism.
He can’t be placed in traditional schooling because most don’t have the resources to support him.
He won’t ever communicate, learn or live life independently.
He can’t demonstrate affection or make friends because he doesn’t understand social cues and is unable to express himself.
He won’t be admitted to most adult day programs or community activities because he’s too ‘severe’ with more profound needs than staff is capable of managing.
Hearing such negative statements about your child on a loop can really impact a parent’s outlook in all the worst ways and it did so for me.
Admittedly, in Skyler’s early teen years, I temporarily lost hope.
I repeatedly questioned every decision I’d ever made or failed to make on his behalf and blamed myself that despite my tireless efforts, I was unsuccessful at achieving the ultimate goal of catching him up to his peers. I lost the race against time before the imaginary ‘learning window’ closed – you know, the one we caregivers are so frequently guilted into worrying about.
But it finally dawned on me as I watched Skyler time and again shatter those unfair nevers placed on him, in his own way and own timeline. Our children today are not the same children they will be a year from now or five, ten or twenty years from now.
Nobody should predict a child’s future nor what they can or can’t achieve with absolute certainty because of an autism diagnosis!
He CAN and is communicating his desires and preferences – either through pointing, spelling or taking my hand to guide me in a specific direction. It’s the best and most rewarding game of charades I’ve ever played.
He WILL attend programs and activities that interest him (like horse riding) and be integrated within our community whether my husband and I or other hired caregivers (which I’m also committed to securing) introduce him to those things.
He DOES demonstrate love and affection daily with hugs, gentle kisses and high fives to not just his parents but to his therapists and most people he meets.
He IS gaining more independence with dressing and eating while also excelling at following directions and remaining patient (that’s a hard one even for his momma 😊).
Skyer at age 3 could barely walk but 15-year-old Skyler began taking mile long walks through our neighborhood and still does to this day.
So, as his 22nd birthday rapidly approaches, where he will reach the age that’s dreaded in our autism world, I am forced to face the reality that not much has changed in the way of opportunities and outside support since his diagnosis.
But what has significantly changed is Skyler and my ability to ignore and rise above the inaccurate predictions of all those who underestimated him back then. He continues to inspire me and so many others every single day and I couldn’t be more proud!
The Sky is truly the limit for you, my son!
