Beginning on Skyler’s first birthday, I started a tradition of writing a letter to him highlighting his likes, dislikes, achievements, funny moments, family adventures, playmates, and all of his favorite things. I also took a photo of him wearing a necktie as a way of charting his growth.
My vision when creating and continuing this annual time capsule was to present to Skyler, a ribbon tied, stack of letters and photos containing eighteen years of memories on the day of his graduation from high school.
Coming to the realization, many years following his autism diagnosis, that graduation, in a traditional sense, would not be a likelihood for Skyler was hard. However, it never derailed me from continuing to craft those special birthday letters beyond age 18 because I know one day in the future, I will happily share a lifetime worth of memories with him.
Perhaps the silver lining or renewed perspective of Skyler never fleeing the nest is that I am privileged to learn and grow alongside him and witness all of his accomplishments throughout adulthood.
I’m confident the day will come when Skyler communicates to me, in his own way and on his own timeline, that he’s ready to receive my gift of thoughtfully crafted moments & observations. Watching Skyler read and absorb every word, whether he’s 24 or 44, will be the equivalent of a graduation to me – and I will be as proud on that day as I am every single day of his life.
So, as we celebrate Skyler’s 22nd birthday today, I grabbed a few sheets of special stationery that is only used to pen his letters and a full box of Kleenex while I revisited every achievement, new adventure and challenge he experienced this past year.
To my handsome and admirable son –
I honestly can’t believe I am writing my 22nd birthday letter to you. I know I say it yearly, but where has the time gone??
You have grown into such a handsome and strong young adult who has a heart of gold and a resilience that is unmatched!
For the first time since childhood, your desire to communicate has been ignited as you appear eager to share your thoughts, needs and wants with us through spelling. I am SO glad we took that leap of faith and brought S2C into our lives several years ago. It’s been fabulous finally getting to know you! 😘
I’m sure you’re annoyed by my continual praise and bragging about you to anyone who’ll listen, but please understand that I need you to believe without an ounce of doubt how incredible and smart I KNOW you are.
I will continue sharing your story as an example of what presuming competence looks like until the rest of the world stops underestimating non-speakers.
Despite feeling anxious when taking you to visit unfamiliar places or introducing you to new experiences, you’ve taught us that no matter how difficult it may be, it’s important we continue trying so you’ll learn how to overcome the discomfort and enjoy yourself. Due to that, you’ve demonstrated much more interest in community interactions – assisting with grocery shopping, attending weekly mass, mall walking, riding horses and over the last year you attended many University of Louisville sporting events…loving every minute.
Surprisingly, your favorite meal is no longer a bun-less cheeseburger with mashed potatoes and green beans, which I suspect is most likely because your favorite restaurant to have that meal every Saturday afternoon (Tucker’s) permanently closed last Fall. You’ve rebounded rather quickly though and your love of Qdoba burrito bowls has returned!
Watching Elmo’s World is still how you choose to unwind as you pace the house, but your new preference is actually music videos from the 90s streamed from YouTube on the TV … Maroon 5’s “Girl Like You” featuring Cardi B is still an all-time favorite. The joy and smiles radiating from your body as you listen to music from my era (while I sing every word & bust out 90s style dance moves to make you laugh) is heaven sent and has strengthened our bond with something we both enjoy.
In reviewing the very first birthday letter I wrote you in 2004, a particular statement left me with an emotional lump in my throat. “My hope for you over the course of your life is that you continue to be happy and free spirited. I want you to always try new things and never let anyone or anything stand in your way. I love the light in your eyes that seeks out to learn and never quits even when times get frustrating.”
I didn’t know of your autism diagnosis on that day or even that year. That news would come 2 years later.
My greatest hope for you today is the exact same as it was 21 years ago. Please never lose that spark in your eyes and determination in your heart to keep growing and achieving. Finding those new adventures and a supportive community where you can thrive and develop friendships is the whole rationale for our move to Colorado. While I know it may be scary to relocate and seemingly start over, remember that we remain an inseparable party of 3 who will tackle this exciting change side by side.
Entering your early 20’s should be the beginning of an exciting new chapter. Sadly, in the world of autism, it instead dictates that the end of traditional services has arrived. We have taken all of that in stride and have been preparing for this next phase for years. I hope you’ve enjoyed our ‘Josh & Mom Day Programming’ so far and feel more free and inspired than you ever did at your autism center. We have always championed you and will continue planning, advocating and turning over every rock to ensure you receive all opportunities and resources available.
I love you with all my heart Skyler, exactly as God made you. I truly believe you were sent into this world as a vessel to teach me, and possibly everyone you encounter, some valuable life lessons.
I am forever grateful that I have been entrusted to guide and nurture you through this life. You are perfect, just as you are.
As I’ve always said, “Out of all the little boys in the world, how did I get the very best one?”
Happy 22nd Skyman… the sky is truly the limit for you – 💙Mom
